In this internet age, we have so many things to keep us occupied that we are always spoiled for choice. But is it always choice?
I realised a couple of months ago that a lot of things I'd been doing for 'entertainment' were more like compulsions, as were many of my non-entertainment activities. In particular, computer games had been a big thing for me for years, but I realised that I hadn't really enjoyed them for some time, but was ploughing through a pile of unfinished games out of some kind of compulsion. I have now made a clean break, have not played a single game in over two months, and while not exactly life-changing, it feels great to not have that hanging over my head.
This is actually very common among game players. A lot of games nowadays play like 15 hour long interactive movies interspersed with frustrating roadblocks to progression. Gamers have convinced themselves that these things are 'works of art' (and parts of them can be) that MUST be experienced. The trouble is, when you add up all the 'must play' games you wanted to get through, it becomes a daunting task with hundreds of hours of what is now 'work' sitting there on your shelf. There is even a semi-official term for the collection of games you own and want to play through but either don't have the time to or avoid because it seems like hard work - the 'pile of shame'.
I also have had the same feeling sometimes about TV shows waiting on the tape or DVD unwatched, or simply 'movies I mean to see' lists. Also books, articles, following threads on forums, music, anything really. I somehow lost the ability to simply enjoy what I want when I want, and allowed some kind of 'thirst for knowledge' on the topic (be it games, music, whatever) to take over as the primary driver. And in the end, I just avoided it all and did things that didn't require commitment (like random internet browsing or TV watching), creating a feeling of guilt for 'wasting my time' - I'd worked out a way to feel selfishly guilty about wasting time that was already selfishly dedicated to myself!
I suppose in some ways it was a strange combination of hedonism treated like materialism. I had turned 'experience' into a work, something to grasp hold of.
Funny how your brain can get like that.
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2 comments:
Hey Dave,
I'm subscribed. You're the man.
And I know what you're talking about in this post. I have a friend with the same kind of problem. He read a book call Thrilled to Death by Arch Hart and said it was outstanding.
Apparently there's a condition called 'ahedonia' where you can't actually experience joy or pleasure (or at least it's hard), because of the stuff we're overloaded with.
Sorry, it's 'anhedonia'. Just read the description at Moore Books.
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